Screwed Up SA2B
by black hearted evil
Summary: It is... what is says... It's the screwed up version of SA2B... Please RR! Rated T for language and... some sexual talk... but that's it! JUST TALK!
1. Chapter 1

**Yay! I am almost done with SA2B! Just 19 more emblemy things! I'm going to be doing the Dark side first… that's who I finished first… I wanted to do a Sonic Heroes screwed up thing… but someone already has that… I was thinking DX… but Shadow isn't there… so… SA2B it is!**

**Dark side…**

"Let's see what my grandfather was working on in a top secret military base!" Eggman screeched from his… big machine thing-y.

"Fatass intruder alert… fatass intruder alert…" the computer was saying through the loud beeps.

After getting to the middle of the military base… he found Shadow. He got off of the machine. He walked over to the computer.

"Let's see… the password? Umm… chocolate?…" Egghead typed in the word 'chocolate'… "No…"

**2 long hours of guessing…**

"Arrgh! That's it!" he climbed up on his machine, hovered to the pod… and broke it. Eggman's machine came crashing down because of his fat ass…

Shadow came out. "Arrgh! Sonic, is that you, you blue bastard?"

"Are you color-blind or something? Damn… you are a fat sonofabitch…" Shadow said.

"Umm… actually, I don't know what color you are… everything looks all blue because of these stupid blue shades…" Eggman said.

"Whatever… whattcha want? Tell me already, so I can eat! 50 years in that fucking pod… with nothing but tofu! Do you know what tofu will do to you in 50 years?" Shadow asked.

"Umm… I wanna pony!" Eggman said stupidly.

"Umm… I know about a huge eclipse cannon thingy… we could shape the earth into a pony…" Shadow said.

"Yay! I'm gonna get a pony!" Eggman said stupidly.

"I'm gonna need… the chaos emeralds, the master emerald… and 100 bucks…" Shadow said.

"I don't have the emeralds yet… but here's my wallet…" Eggman said, giving Shadow his wallet.

Shadow opened it up. "Hey! These are all expired coupons and other shit!" Shadow said.

"Why do you think that I **steal** my stuff?" Eggman asked.

"Whatever… Meet me in the colony ark after that…" Shadow said.

**Somewhere else…**

"I'm just saying… if you wanna split it in half, that's fine by me…" Knuckles said.

"No, I want the whole thing!" Rouge said. She stared at the emerald.

Then, Eggman's huge flying thing-y came swooping by and picked up the emerald. Knuckles didn't care and didn't break it… but Rouge jumped up onto the flying machine.

"Give me back my emerald, fatass!" she yelled.

"Never! I want my pony!" Eggman said.

"Grr…" she kicked the machine and the controls got jammed.

The machine dropped the emerald. "My emerald!" Rouge said.

"Umm… I can pay you to put it back together and bring it into space…" Eggman said.

"With what?" she asked angrily.

"Umm… a valid coupon to 'Make-up Galore' and… my cousin can give you a free liposuction…" he said.

"Why would I need it? You need it, fatass!" she said.

"No! For your boobs, duh!" he said, dropping Rouge and flying away.

After he flew away… "Grr… I'm not fat…"

"No, you aren't… but you do kinda need a lipo for… your… upper body." Knuckles said.

"Just say it…"

"Okay… damn! You have these huge boobs that hang out! You **need** a lipo!"

**And that's it right now… I'll write more… but… I need to play Sonic Heroes… I just need one more emerald so I can get to Metal Sonic!**


	2. Chapter 2

**HydraSprite- **You see, on the third day that we had Sonic Heroes… I only needed 1 last emerald… and somehow… the disk got scratched! Half a year later… we got a new Sonic Heroes… (just last week…) and I still need to get the last emerald! Getting the key in Mystic Mansion is easy… but getting it in the special stage is hard…

**In case I forgot… I don't own Sonic and everyone… but I do own Seven-Eleven! Bwahahaha!……… (I wish…)**

**Heroes side next! (as in… right… now!)**

Sonic was in a helicopter. "So, you guys think you've captured me, huh?" Sonic asked the people in the plane. He hopped out of the moving plane (retard…) and (UN)fortunately he landed on a part of the helicopter and it broke off. He boarded through the city… while doing that, he heard:

"Hey, isn't that the retarded blue guy?"

"He's the one that gets saved by Tails all the time!"

"Shadow's hotter!"

He stopped and got off of his board when he heard that. "Who's Shadow?" he asked.

Shadow the Hedgehog appeared out of nowhere. "Move!" he said rudely. He walked into the Seven-Eleven and grabbed a slushie.

"You need to pay for that, sir…"

Shadow gave the woman the finger. "Kiss my black ass…"

Shadow walked back out. The huge robot-y thing… (what was it called? Flying Dog?…… Big Foot? Uggh!) came after Sonic, at the same time, the helicopter crashed into the… robot… (What is that robot?)

Shadow looked at Sonic. He was cuffed.

"Why are you guys even arresting me? He's the bad guy!" Sonic said, pointing at Shadow.

"Don't be silly… that's just a suspicious looking hedgehog drinking a slushie…"

"Shadow, you are under arrest…"

"I'm not Shadow! Why am I under arrest anyway?" Sonic yelled.

They put him in a straitjacket before putting him in the police car. Shadow smirked at all of this. He reached in his pocket. "Hah… I stole an emerald already… from that blue retard… when I pushed him down…" Shadow said.

Sonic was shoved into jail. Meanwhile… Tails was flying high in his Tornado. "Hey… look… it's Amy! And Eggman's cornered her! I'll help you!" he yelled.

He landed the Tornado near Amy. "I'll help you, Eggman!" Tails said.

"Huh? Why?" he asked confused.

"Because I hate her pink ass…" Tails said.

She hit him on the head with her Piko Piko hammer and hit Eggman so hard, that he landed near a pyramid.

Tails looked around. He sighed. "I have to save Sonic again… he'll be late with his psychiatrist…" Tails said.

**Later…**

They found Sonic in the jail. He drew rainbows and flowers all over the walls. "You guys are here to help!" he exclaimed.

"No… I'm here to beat your ass up because you aren't as hot as Shadow…" Amy said.

**That's all I remember right now… It's almost 2:00 in the am… I've got to sleep… nighty-nighty… zzz but I'm serious… review! zzz**


	3. Chapter 3

**I AM A GIRL! GIRL! TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL! Sorry… I hate it when I'm called a boy… you see… I'm a tomboy… as in the only times I act as a girl is when I'm typing… I play video games, love sports, hate make-up and other girly girl stuff… I am not a boy!**

**Jayln the Hedgehog- **If you read chapter 6 of 'Love Poems' you find the answer…

**HS-** I just found out… flip HS backward… and you got SH- Sonic Heroes…

**Everyone who finds this funny… might like 'Backstage with Sonic Heroes' **

**To everyone who wants to know… I have SA2B, SH, and S DX I'm getting Shadow the Hedgehog… I can't live without it! On with the show!.. story!**

**Dark side again…**

"Rouge, we need you to infiltrate that secret base…" the person on the… walkie-talkie thingy said.

"Yep!" she answered.

She got into the pyramid. "I guess I have to find those 3 keys to open that door…"

"Umm… Rouge… wrong side of the pyramid… this is Death Chamber…" someone said.

She turned around to find Knuckles. "Oh… really? Maybe this is Egg Quarters and **you're** the one that's lost!" Rouge said.

Knuckles sighed. "Listen to the song…" he said.

(I got this from find video game and anime lyrics there!)

This is Knuckles… and you have reached the Death Chamber… 

"Oh… okay…" she said.

**At the right place…**

She found the three keys and opened the door. "A transporter? Destination set to… ARK? Isn't that the space colony that was shut down 50 years ago?" she talked to no one in particular. "Well, I don't care! It's my mission to find out what he's up to!"

**At the ARK…**

"Umm… I have to get to the control room…" Eggman said to himself. He looked at the door. "How do I open this?" He saw an omachao near it and picked it up. He started beating up the door with the omachao…

**Few minutes later…**

"I'm finally… there…" Eggman said.

Shadow was in the control room drinking a slushie. "Finally… took your fat ass too long…" he said.

Rouge appeared out of nowhere. "You know… you still need a few more emeralds… right?" she asked Eggman, who was holding only 3.

"Umm… yeah! Of course I knew!" Eggman said.

"I have a plan… Rouge finds those last ones… in Security Hall… and I blow it up…" Shadow said.

"But I want to blow it up…" Eggman whined.

"No… now let's go!" Shadow said.

**In Security Hall… after defeating Flying Dog…**

"Oh no… I got locked in… and is this, what? The 500th time I got locked in here? In the last minute… Shadow will save me… after he gets out of the forest… jeez…"

**White Jungle…**

"That blue bastard again, of all places…"

"Aha! I found you, you slushie-stealing, finger-flipping, kiss-my-black-ass-sonofabitch- kinda-"

"Actually… I was created… so you can't really call me a sonofabitch…" Shadow said.

"Grr… smartass!" Sonic said.

"I'll make you eat those words!" Shadow said.

"Hey! That's my line!"

"No… that's your line in Sonic Heroes…"

"No… I mean what you said!"

"What? I said you can't call me a sonofabit-"

"NEVER MIND! LET'S FIGHT!" Sonic yelled.

"Wait… who's supposed to win?" Shadow asked.

"That depends on the player…"

"Well, no one's playing… it's a fic…"

"Heeellloo? Shadow… I'm freaking out! Right now, you're supposed to have beaten Sonic and saved me! Last 3 seconds!" Rouge called through her walkie-talkie.

Shadow sighed. "Give me a minute… I need to save her… and then we'll continue!" Shadow said.

**After Shadow saves Rouge…**

"But then… it's out of order…" Sonic said.

"Fine! Let's just fight it all out after the ARK!" Shadow said.

**Up in space somewhere…**

"Yay! A piece of the Master Emerald!" Rouge said.

"You again?"

She turned and found Knuckles. "What? Surprised by my beauty?"

"No… Surprised by your stupidity… now give me back those emerald pieces!" Knuckles said.

"Grr… no!" Rouge said.

The two of them landed on the bottom of the huge thing. Then the floor disappeared and it blew them up. It reappeared and they both fell. Disappear, reappear, disappear…

"Sonic! Stop playing around with the controls!" Knuckles yelled.

"But I made a bet with someone… on who would win… and I need Rouge to win…" Sonic yelled.

"WHAT? You bet against me?" Knuckles yelled.

"Duh… I know you'll defeat her annoying white ass…" Shadow said, above them.

"WHAT? Annoying white ass?" she shrieked.

"It's true…" Knuckles said.

She jumped on him and beat him up. But then he hit her with a thunder arrow and killed her.

"You owe me, you blue bastard!" Shadow yelled.

**Yayness! Almost done! I'm am not doing the Biolizard or the Final Hazard…**


End file.
